How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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