Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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