Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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