What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
