he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
