The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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