So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
