Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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