"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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