You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
