The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
