I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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