I feel like I'm in dance class right now
People in love make me want to vomit
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
