btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That accounts for only three of the penises
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
