Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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