grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
