my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
