I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
