Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
