I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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