talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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