somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
