So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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