hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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