Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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