Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
