Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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