I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
