hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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