if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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