Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
