Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize