How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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