Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
