you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
