we were pretty classy up until the second keg
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
