She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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