We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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