I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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