Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
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it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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