So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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