Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
