so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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