How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
