goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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