I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
