put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
