I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just found a bag of teeth...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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