You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
