I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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