I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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