Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
