if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
