when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
