Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
