Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
