I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
