At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
