So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
