we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
