i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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