shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
