I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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