after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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