I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
