my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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