I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
