Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
