If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
