So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
