are you still at the devil's house?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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