my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My bed smells like the plague
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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