You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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